The Fanged Wizard
by Jubalii
Summary: Seras Victoria takes a magical journey across the enchanted world of Oz, meeting challenges and new friends in search of the charismatic red-clad wizard that can take her home. Rated has been moved to T for language and implied themes Although its technically a crossover, I have it in regular fiction because it delves from the original story quite a bit. A lot darker, for one...
1. Seras' Predicament

**Author's Note: Hello, my Impatient Ones! Forget plot-bunny. This plot Linebacker slammed into me this morning, and inspired me to write this. Now, as little Emmy Lou-Who the kitten rests upon my feet, I spin you a tale of magic, wizardry, witchcraft, and tiny soldiers. May I Introduce: The Fanged Wizard, a.k.a. **_**De Vonderful Vizard of Transylvania!** _

_**1 . Me no own Hellsing. Aw. **_

_**2. Me no own WoO. Double Aw. **_

* * *

19-year-old Seras Victoria sprinted home from the Police Academy, her faithful mutt Baskerville in tow. She looked back as she ran, her blue and white police uniform bright against the dull gray of the cloudy English sky. After looking a third time, she slowed to a stop, kneeling at her hound's side.

"She isn't coming after us, Baskerville. Did she hurt you? Oh, she tried to, didn't she? C'mon, we'll go tell Mama and Papa. C'mon, Baskie!"

Reaching her parent's tiny farm, Seras ran to her parents' side. Her mother and father were busy pulling fluffy chicks out of an old incubator.

"Mama! Mama! Just listen to what Miss Winkle did to Basker-"

"Seras, please! We're trying to count!" her mother said, exasperated as she caught a runaway chick who tried to fly out of her hand. Seras gave her mother an incredulous look.

"But she hit him and-"

"Don't bother us now, honey," her father said patiently as he grabbed more chicks from the incubator and stuffed them in his floppy hat. "This old incubator's gone bad and we're likely to lose a lot of our chicks."

"Oh, the poor things…"Seras mumbled soothingly as she took a chick and rubbed it against her head. The chick blended in with her golden braids, cheeping comfortably. "Oh, but Mama; Miss Winkle hit Baskie with a rake just because she said he chases Schrödinger - her dumb old cat-every day! She also says he gets in her garden, but he doesn't!"

"Seventy;" her mother muttered to herself, taking the chick from Seras' shoulder and putting it in a box. "Not now, Seras! We're very busy!" She turned and walked back over to her husband, who was now sporting a hat full of cheeping babies.

"Oh, all right." Seras moaned dejectedly, walking over to where her father's hired help was fixing a broken wheel. Mr. Dornez and Mr. Fargason were holding up the wagon bed as Mr. Bernadotte leaned under the wheel, reattaching it. Seras watched them, intrigued.

"How's she coming?" Mr. Fargason asked as he strained to hold up the bed.

"Take it easy," Mr. Dornez shouted warningly from the other side, knowing that in his old age Mr. Fargason had a bad back.

"Ow! You got my finger!" Mr. Bernadotte exclaimed, followed by a few short curses in French.

"Well, move it!" Mr. Fargason said sarcastically. "Lucky it wasn't your head." Mr. Bernadotte glared at the older man before tending to his crushed finger with a sad expression. Mr. Fargason grabbed a bucket and went toward the hog pen. Seras ran toward him and grasped his elbow, talking rapidly.

"Oh, Mr. Fargason, what am I going to do about Miss Winkle? Just because Baskie chases that old cat sometimes-"

"Listen Kitten I gotta get them hogs in, not now." Mr. Fargason said absentmindedly, striding toward the barn.

"Listen _Mignonette_, you aren't using your head. You'd think you didn't have any brains," Mr. Bernadotte said with a shrug as he picked himself up off the ground.

"I have so got brains!" Seras snapped, turning and stomping her foot.

"Well, why don't you use them?" Mr. Bernadotte tapped the wagon, testing its strength. "When you come home, don't go by Miss Winkle's house. Then, Baskerville won't get in her garden, and you'll stay out of trouble, _no_?"

"No." Seras said obstinately. "You just aren't listening."

"Humph. Well, your head isn't made of straw, you know." Mr. Bernadotte cursed again as he banged his hurt finger against the hammer he held. Seras frowned at him before turning and walking toward the hog pen.

"Get in there before I make a dime bank outta you! Form formations!" Mr. Fargason yelled as he poked the hogs into the pen with a piece of lumber. "Listen soldier," he said as he watched Seras balance on the old wooden fence. "Are you gonna let that old Miss Winkle try and buffalo you? She's nothing to be scared of. Have some courage!" Seras looked back, her arms held out for balance as she walked along the edge of the hog pen.

"I'm not scared of her, Mr. Fargason," she quipped. Mr. Fargason chuckled and threw the slop into the pig trough.

"Well then, next time she squawks at you, walk up to her and spit in her eye!" he teased. "That's what I'd do." He looked up, only to gasp as he saw Seras lose her balance and fall into the mess of rowdy hogs.

"Oh, help! Help me!" Seras screamed as the hogs tossed her around, getting her tangled in the barbed wires. Mr. Fargason rushed over and pulled the wire off of the girl before carrying her to the other help, who had heard Seras' cries and had rushed over to save her.

"I say, are you all right Seras?" Mr. Dornez asked, his monocle threatening to fall off his eye.

"I'm okay; Mr. Fargason-why, Mr. Fargason you're as scared as I am!" Seras laughed, her adrenaline still racing.

"What's the matter, old man? Did a little piglet make a coward out of you?" Mr. Bernadotte laughed, clapping the panting man on the back.

"And just _what_ is going on here?" Mrs. Victoria strode over with a plate in her hands, scattering chickens and laughs alike. She stopped at the group, glaring at them. "There's work to be done! If you don't get to work, I know three farm-hands who'll be out of a job. Don't make excuses, Mr. Dornez. I saw you over there, playing with your firearm inventions. That goes for you too, Mr. Bernadotte!" Mr. Dornez looked put-out, but nodded and started back toward the unfinished wagon.

"Well, alright, but one day they'll have a statue of me in this town, and-"

"Don't start posing for it now!" Mrs. Victoria snapped, holding out the plate. "Here, even I don't expect you to work on an empty stomach. Have some crullers." The men eagerly held out their hands, licking their lips at the prospect of the fried treat. "And you, Missy! There's no place for a young lady around a pigsty! Now quit pestering Mr. Fargason and let him feed these hogs!" She walked away, with Seras following her to grab a cruller from the plate. Taking a bite, Seras began again.

"Really, Mama; do you know what Miss Winkle said she was going to do to Baskerville? She said that-" Seras paused as her mother held up a hand.

"Really, Seras, you always worry too much over these things. Just do us all a favor and find yourself a place where you can't get into trouble!" With that, the woman walked quickly back to the house, her mind already on the list of things yet to be done. Seras sighed as Baskerville came up to sit at her feet. She grinned at the dog before breaking off a piece of her snack and giving it to him. She looked up at the gray sky, pondering her mother's words.

"Somewhere where there isn't any trouble….Do you suppose there is such a place, Baskerville? There must be!" Seras stared at the sky, lost in her imagination. She walked aimlessly, feeding bits of cruller to Baskerville as she wandered.

"It wouldn't be a place you can get to by a boat, or a train, or even a plane! It's a place far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain…" she gazed thoughtfully as she heard a soft strain of music coming from inside, where her mother must have put on a record. Smiling softly, she sat on a haystack and began to sing.

_Somewhere, over the rainbow…._


	2. Miss Winkle

Down the lane, a middle-aged woman with a mean look on her face was riding on a bicycle, her long hair tied up in a neat bun. .She stopped beside the Victoria's house where Mr. Victoria was outside whitewashing the picket fence. She pursed her lips at the man as she pushed down the kickstand with her foot.

"Mr. Victoria," she said curtly.

"Hallo, Miss Winkle." Mr. Victoria said with a nod. Miss Winkle strode up to the man, who brandished his paintbrush like a weapon against the tall lady. She sniffed haughtily, holding an enormous box in her hands. As an afterthought, she sat the box back beside the bicycle before coming back up the sidewalk.

"I want to speak to you und your wife about Seras." She said finally.

"Oh? What's Seras done?" Mr. Victoria asked.

"Vhat's she done? Vhat's she done!? I'm all but lame from de bit on my leg!" she exclaimed in her German accent. Mr. Victoria raised an eyebrow, amused at his neighbor.

"You mean she bit you?" he teased. Miss Winkle bristled, unamused.

"Nein, de dog!" she spit out.

"She bit her dog?" Mr. Victoria said, trying not to laugh. He let go off the fence gate, letting it swing forward to catch Miss Winkle.

"Nein." Miss Winkle said bitterly, walking on up the sidewalk toward the screen door. Inside, both Mr. and Mrs. Victoria listen to the German woman's tirade with wide eyes.

"Dat dog is a menace! I'm taking him to make sure dat he ist destroyed!" Seras peeked around the corner, listening in. At the woman's words, she ran into the room, Baskerville only two steps behind her.

"Destroyed! Baskie!? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Mama, Papa, you won't let her, will you?" Seras cried, tears in her eyes as she faced the death of her beloved pooch. Her father patted her shoulder.

"Of course not, Seras. Will we, darling?" he said as he glanced at his wife. Seras ran back over to her mother, who was sitting in her favorite rocking chair.

"Oh, please Mama! Baskerville didn't know that he was doing anything wrong! I'm the one who oughta be punished. Send me to bed without supper!" Seras said, touching her mom's arm. She turned and stared at Miss Winkle, who stood and pointed a bony finger in Mrs. Victoria's face.

"If you don't hand over dat dog, I vill bring a suit that vill take your farm!" Miss Winkle practically screamed. "Der law protects de people against dogs dat bite!"

"Well, how about she keeps him tied up? He's very gentle." Mrs. Victoria reasoned. "With gentle people, that is," she muttered under her breath. Miss Winkle sniffed and pulled a paper out of the bosom of her jacket.

"Vell, dat is for Herr Major to decide," she said as she brandished the paper in front of Mrs. Victoria's face. The woman took the paper, frowning before handing it to her husband. "Dat is der order dat lets me take him. Unvess you vant to go against de law?" Miss Winkle said with sickly sweetness. Seras whimpered as she watched her father's face grow dark as he read the notice. He nodded sadly to his wife, who turned to address her daughter.

"Oh, Seras we can't go against the law. I'm afraid poor Baskerville's got to go," she said mournfully. Seras gasped, unable to do anything but plead as her father put a rope around Baskerville and led him to be put into Miss Winkle's box. She let out a sob, she turned to Miss Winkle, yelling "You wicked old witch!" before running to her room and slamming the door. From inside, loud sobs could be heard.

"Seras!" her mother called, finally standing before turning with a snarl to Miss Winkle. Standing on her tiptoes, she put her nose to the woman's face. "Rip van Winkle, just because you own half the county doesn't mean you own us all! For years I've been dying to tell you what I think of you, but…well, being a Christian woman I can't say it!" she screamed with a hint of tears in her own voice, before turning around and going to comfort her heartbroken daughter. Miss Winkle sniffed again, giving Mr. Victoria a glance as he came back inside. He gave her a shrug, and she gave him a pointed look before going out the door, muttering under her breath.

"_Der nerv dieser hinterwaldler landwirte…" _


	3. The Count

From a big box on the back of the bicycle, a big black dog's head poked out, blinking his red eyes. Shaking his head, he jumped from the box to run down the lane. Barking, he ran through the picket fence to his master's window, where he jumped up. Seras, who had been crying as she worried over her dog, was surprised to see him jump through the window to land on her bed.

"Baskerville! You came back! Oh, Baskie!" she exclaimed, hugging the dog around his neck. Baskerville licked Seras' face, wagging his big, bushy tail. "Oh, but they'll come back for you any minute! We have to go; we have to run away!" she stood, nodding to herself as she hurried out of her police uniform. She decided to dress in her best sundress; a dark blue, plain dress with a tiny white checked pattern around the sleeves and the collar. She grabbed her toothbrush and a small satchel of clothing before jumping out the window with Baskerville in hot pursuit. In no time, the pair was headed down the dirt road as the beginning of twilight set in.

Crossing over a bridge, Seras looked as she heard some quiet humming. A large gypsy carriage sat on the gulley beside the ditch. The painted words on the side read:

**Count Alucard: Acclaimed by the Crowned Heads of Europe**

**Let him read your PAST, PRESENT, and FUTURE in his magic crystal!**

**(Also, spells and sleight of hand)**

Seras read the sign with raised eyebrows, before looking over and shuddering visibly at the man sitting by a fire. He wore a large red coat, and a hat that covered his eyes. A pair of glasses sat on his nose. She cocked her head, staring curiously at the man, who appeared not to notice her. Baskerville seemed unafraid, walking up to the man, who pulled a gloved hand out of his coat to scratch the dog's ears.

"And who might you be?" the man said finally, his sensuous voice piercing the night air. He turned and grinned at Seras, who wished that she could see his eyes behind the orange frames. "No, don't tell me. Let's see; you're a _vampire_." Seras blinked in surprise, but shook her head. "No? Hmmm…" the man pretended to think. "You are visiting your granny, who's sick." Seras once again shook her head, chuckling slightly at the man's teasing. "Still not right? Okay, you're running away." Seras nodded, smiling.

"How'd you guess?" she half-teased, coming closer to the man and the warm fire, although a tiny part of her brain was against her judgment. The man grinned broadly.

"I never guess; I know. Now, why are you running away? Hmmm….they don't understand you at home. No? No…." The man leaned close to Seras face, and she realized that his eyes appeared crimson behind the frames. She blushed under his scrutiny, gazing at his ageless visage. "No, my dear: _You_ want to see other lands. Big cities, big mountains, big oceans." With every word, Seras nodded vigorously.

"Oh, Mr. Alucard, can't we go to see the crowned heads of Europe with you?" she asked, motioning to Baskerville.

"Why, you know any?" Alucard muttered before laughing at his joke and glancing toward his sign. "Oh, yes. That. I'm sorry, my dear. I never do anything without consulting my crystal first." Motioning toward the door, the Count smiled. "Let's go inside, shall we?" Seras thought nothing of it, happily skipping inside with the strange, crimson-eyed man.

"Sit here, dear." The Count motioned toward a seat in the cluttered wagon, grabbing a crystal off the wall and staring at it before sitting on the tiny table. Moving around Seras, he took her satchel from her hands and sat it down, motioning for her to close her eyes. "We have to be tuned with the Infinite." Blinking twice, Seras shrugged and closed her eyes. The Count smiled before rummaging quietly through her things, pulling out a faded photo of a young child and two parents in front of a house. "Yes…now open them, my child. Let's gaze together into the crystal." Seras leaned forward eagerly, staring into the crystal. The Count leaned back, lacing his fingers together before speaking ominously.

"I see something; its' getting clearer! What's this? A house, with a picket fence. And a barn…with a vane in the shape of a horse…." Seras nodded.

"That's my house!" she said happily, waiting on the edge of her seat to hear more.

"Yes…there's a woman. Her face is careworn…" Seras nodded sagely.

"That's my mother."

"Yes…but, what's this? She's crying! Someone has hurt her. Someone has just about broken her heart." The Count said this with a bored air, as though he didn't care if her heart were broken or not. He gazed at the beauty before him through his lashes, watching her. She looked sadly at the Count and pointed to herself questioningly. "You? Hmmm, well, it's someone she loves very much. Who she's been very kind to: taken care of in sickness."

Seras looked down at her lap, nodding softly. "I had the measles once, and she stayed right by me every minute." Seras looked up at the Count, alarmed. "Oh, I can't do this! I've got to get to her right away!" The Count raised his eyebrows.

"What about coming with me? The Crowned heads of Europe?" he asked, following her to the door.

"Oh, I can't! I'm sorry! But thank you, and Goodbye!" Seras called over her shoulder as she ran up the slope to the dirt road, the wind picking up and making her braids fly behind her. Baskerville stared at the man, who seemed to have grown an alarming amount of hair in under a minute, and was staring thoughtfully at the girl as she ran toward home. Giving a smug grin, he raised an eyebrow at the dog.

"Better get to some shelter, dog. Go and protect her; there's a storm blowing in. A big one, too." The Count glanced once more at the road before turning to go back inside. "Poor lost Kitten. I hope she makes it home alright." He said quietly, an idea forming in the back of his mind.


	4. The Journey Begins

_**Author's Note:**__ As always, hello! Thanks to the reviewers!  
It really surprised me that England does get tornadoes. Now that I think about it, it shouldn't have. But, living on the tail end of tornado alley, I get my fair share of twisters that pop up about this time of year, and again in September and October_. _So I can write this scene from experience. I'm going to go to the April 27__th__ tornadoes, which came through my part of town and are the ones I remember most vividly. So, without further ado, let's watch Seras be confused by singing soldiers and a cigar-smoking witch. Also, the Wicked Witch of the East will be played by the Doctor. _

* * *

Seras and Baskerville ran back up through the lane in the dark, with nothing to light their way but the tiny flashlight that Seras' had the sense to bring with her. The moon had long ago been covered by clouds, which comforted Seras more than she'd thought it would. The moon had been a strange crimson color. Passing it off as a product of the impending storm, Seras picked her way carefully around the dips in the road. The flashlight only helped a slim bit, and it took twice as long to get home as it normally would've.

As she reached her house, the wind had picked up more, reaching frightening proportions. Seras winced against the onslaught of dirt that clouded her visage, running to the house as fast as she could.

"Mama! Papa!" she shouted, running frantically through every room as a dull roar began to sound in her ears. The pressure in the house grew, and Seras leaned her hand against the wall, only to feel it bending inwardly. Gasping, she ran to the door and looked into the night. A bolt of lightning hit the sky and she saw the black tornado ripping through the debris not three miles away. A second later, she was thrust back into darkness, only to have the sky lit up like fireworks as electrical wire were ripped apart and sparked. Turning on all the lights in her house, she ran out the back door to bang on the storm shelter.

"Mama! Papa! Mama! Let me in!" she yelled as loud as she could, but the door wouldn't budge and if anyone was inside, they couldn't hear her over the storm. Baskerville barked from the doorway, and Seras ran back in, petting his ears to comfort the nervous animal. Going to her room, she looked in vain out the window, trying to see the tornado. Turning back to the door, she cried out "Mama!" once more before the window caved in from the pressure, hitting the girl in the back of the head and raining glass upon her. Screaming, Seras was knocked unconscious.

* * *

When she awoke, the house was rocking like a boat on the ocean. Frowning, Seras looked around at her room, where everything save the window seemed to be untouched. Looking down, she saw Baskerville hiding under the bed, only his red eyes and his nose poking out. She smiled at him before hearing a strange clucking noise. Turning back to the window, she gasped and widened her eyes as she saw her family's chicken coop. It was flying outside the window, with the ornery old rooster sitting right on top! It flew out of sight, and Seras stood and tried to make her way to the window, only to flop back down on her bed, nauseous from the rocking sensations. Blinking, she stared in wonder as her mother passed by the window, knitting in her rocking chair. Seras waved hesitantly at her mother, who smiled and nodded before being blown away. She watched a cow pass by, and then her father's hired hands in a fishing boat. Finally gathering her stomach again, she threw herself at the open window, looking down. She immediately went back to the bed, looking at Baskerville.

"We must be up inside the cyclone!" Seras explained over the wind, pointing at the window. Baskerville whined, and Seras looked back to see Miss Winkle, riding on her bicycle with her mean frown in place.

"Oh!" Seras said, wondering if she should address the woman, when before her eyes Miss Winkle transformed into an ugly old witch, riding a very large….musket? Seras hid her face in the bed sheet, trying to stay unnoticed as the witch let out a cackle before flying by the house. Glancing back up, Seras thought she saw a red eye staring at her from in the storm, but before she could investigate her furniture, as well as her belongings began to slide about the room as her house tilted back and forth. Screaming, she managed to grab Baskerville, tugging him up on the bed before he was run over by her chest of drawers. The entire room slid, and Seras could do no more than hold tight. Then, as quickly as it started, she landed with all her furniture as a loud _thump _ended the entire ordeal. Silence reigned.

"Oh?" Seras said, sitting up in bed and adjusting her dress. She listened, the silence eerie after the loud wind of the tornado. Finally, she nodded to herself and got up; grabbing the small basket she had been carrying inside her satchel, which had burst apart in the fray. Baskerville followed her as she went to the front door. Steeling her nerve, she opened the door, gasping at the colorful world she saw on the other side. It looked almost like the barracks in the police academy, but these were much larger, like for an army. The multicolored buildings were accented with flowers and coats-of-arms, and a river ran through the middle street. There were multicolored paths-red, blue, and yellow-which each went to a separate part of the barracks. Licking her lips, Seras turned to her dog.

"Baskerville, I don't think we're in England anymore," she said softly, only to be startled at a chorus of chuckles that came from nowhere. "Who's there?!" Seras shouted, only to hear something behind her. Turning around, she gasped as a rainbow bubble slowly floated towards her, filled with murky colors. The bubble reached the ground beside Seras and vanished, leaving a cloud of smoke to float into the air. Seras coughed as the scent of tobacco reached her. Looking up, she saw a pretty woman with a cigar, wearing a dress. The dress was pretty but plain, and the top looked as though it were meant to be a man's suit. The woman had an ascot with a cross tied across the front. Seras gazed on the woman, who had an amused expression as she sized Seras up. Seras looked at Baskerville with raised eyebrows.

"Now I _know_ we're not in England," she whispered to the dog, who huffed in agreement. The woman took the cigar from her mouth and cocked her head.

"Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" the woman asked cooly. Seras blinked, then grinned and began waving her hands negatively.

"Oh, no no no! I'm not a witch at all! I'm Seras Victoria, from England!" she said quickly, giving a small curtsy. The woman frowned, and then pointed the cigar toward Baskerville.

"Well, is _that_ the witch?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Seras laughed, and the woman's frown became more pronounced.

"No, Baskerville's my dog." Seras explained, and Baskerville gave a bark of agreement. The woman sighed, and took a drag on the cigar.

"Well, I'm certainly puzzled. The Soldiers called me because a new witch had dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East." She pointed to the house, then Seras. "There's the house, and there you are, and _that_ is all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East." She pointed the cigar at a pair of legs and silver combat boots. Seras gasped, running over to the legs. The woman followed, still speaking. "And what the Soldiers want to know is: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Seras turned and gave the woman a frustrated look.

"I've already told you! I'm not a witch at all! Witches are-are old, and ugly!" She stiffened as she heard a fresh course of laughter from the buildings. "What was that?" she gasped, twisting her head. The woman smiled, taking another whiff of the cigar.

"The Soldiers. They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm Tegral, the Good Witch of the North. You may have heard of my nickname, the Ice Queen," the woman said matter-of-factly.

"Oh! Well, beggin' your pardon but I've never seen a pretty witch before." Seras said, curtsying again for good measure. She felt her cheeks go pink under the woman's scrutiny. Tegral looked Seras over and smiled.

"Only bad witches are ugly. The Soldiers are happy because you've freed them from the power of the Wicked Witch of the East."

"Oh, but if you please, you said…Soldiers?" Seras asked, looking around. Tegral nodded.

"The people who live here, in the Barracks. You are their national heroine, Kitten." Seras was about to ask how Tegral knew her nickname before the woman swung her arms out toward the buildings and began to sing.

_Come out, come out, wherever you are, and meet the young Kitten who fell from a star.  
She fell from the sky, she fell very far, and "England" she says is the name of the star._

Seras opened her mouth to deter the singing but a large chorus picked up where Tegral stopped.

"_England" she says is the name of the star._

The song quieted for a moment, and Seras wondered at the singing before she saw lots of little men dressed as Soldiers coming from the barracks to crowd around the girl and the witch. Tegral continued the song.

_She brings you good news, or haven't you heard?  
When she fell from England, a miracle occurred. _

Seras tried to explain what had really happened, but something inside her grabbed hold and her words came out in perfect harmony.

_It really was no miracle!  
What happened now was this:  
The wind began to swish, the house to pitch  
and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch!  
Just then the witch, to satisfy an itch  
went riding on a musket, laughing like a bitch.  
_

The chorus picked up and began to dance around Seras, who was dragged into the fray despite her objections.

_And oh, what happened then was rich! (What?)  
The house began to pitch (wait-)  
the kitchen took a slitch! (Huh?)  
It landed on that ugly bitch and knocked her in ditch  
WHICH was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch  
WHO began to twitch(I can't-)  
AND was reduced(Stop!)  
TO just a stitch (AHHNGGG!)  
OF-WHAT-WAS-ONCE-THE-WICKED-WITCH! _

They finally deposited Seras back next to Tegral, who spread her arms out wide once more.

"Let the joyous news be spread! That wicked old witch at last is dead!" Seras sighed and slumped down, giving herself up to a new onslaught of song. Finally, she found herself standing next to the Captain and Commander, accepting gifts from the people of the Barracks. First, three women who looked nothing like soldiers came up. Dressed in pretty dresses, the two brunettes and a blonde curtsied and began to sing in high-pitched voices.

_We represent the Nosferatu,  
the Nosferatu, the Nosferatu.  
And in the name of the Nosferatu:  
We wish to welcome you to the bar-racks! _

They handed Seras a bouquet of fresh roses before backing away and being replaced by three soldiers, dressed as mercenaries.

_We represent the Wild Geese,  
the Wild Geese, the Wild Geese,  
and in the name of the Wild Geese:  
We wish to welcome you to the bar-racks!_

Seras smiled as the Soldiers began to "tra-la-la" and dance around, leading her back to Tegral and Baskerville. She reached the witch, who took her hand and opened her mouth; only to break her cigar in half as dark blue smoke billowed from nowhere and wild cackling filled the air. The Soldiers screamed and ran for their lives. Out of the smoke stepped an evil looking woman with waist length hair, sporting a Nazi soldier's uniform and hat. Walking around, she snarled to the air. Tegral pulled Seras away, placing a protective hand on her shoulder. Shivering Seras turned to address the woman.

"I thought you said she was dead!" Seras whimpered. Tegral frowned, glancing at the woman.

"That's her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. She's worse than the other one was." Tegral replied. The Witch of the West turned and sneered at the two women, stalking toward them with musket in hand.

"Vho killed mein sister!? Vho killed de Vicked Vitch of de East? Vas it you?" she growled, peering at Seras who backed into Tegral's embrace. Seras shook her head, sputtering an answer.

"No-no! It was an accident! I didn't mean to-"

"Vell, _mein hubsche, _I can cause accidents too!" the witch snarled, reaching for the girl's hair. Seras moaned, and Tegral stepped in.

"Aren't you forgetting about the blessed boots?" Tegral teased. The Witch gasped, turning to run toward the house. As she approached the boots, they vanished.

"No! Vhere are the boots!? Vhat have you done vith them?" Tegral pointed to Seras' feet. Seras looked down and gasped, seeing her reflection in the-surprisingly light- silver boots that now rest upon her feet.

"There they are, and there they'll stay." Tegral mocked, making the Witch shake in fury. She walked toward the pair again, pointing menacingly at them.

"You vill give me dose boots or I vill-" she started, but Tegral laughed.

"Oh please. You have no power here. Now go, or someone may decide to drop a house on you, too!" she said in a warning tone. The Witch snarled, but backed off. Turning to go, she made a final statement.

"Ach, you may have von dis round, Tegral. But just try to stay out of mein vay, just try! I'll get you, mein hubsche. And your little dog too!" Tegral frowned, watching the Witch until she disappeared in another puff of smoke. Turning to Seras, she reached inside her dress to pull a case of cigars from her bosom. Lighting one, she finally spoke.

"You've mad yourself a bad enemy of the Witch, I'm afraid. The sooner you get out of Oz, the better." Seras shrugged and looked at the woman, confused.

"I'd do anything to go home, but….how can I go home? I can't go back the way I came." Tegral nodded, looking at the house.

"You're right. The only one that I can think of to help you is the Wizard." She put a hand up to her chin thoughtfully. Seras frowned.

"Is he good or bad?" Tegral looked startled, and winced slightly before responding.

"He's….very mysterious. And very powerful. But he lives far away, in the Garnet City. I hope you brought your broomstick with you?" she said, avoiding the girl's question. Seras looked at Baskerville.

"I'm afraid I didn't. Now what?" she inquired. Tegral nodded toward the Soldiers.

"You'll have to go on foot then. My Soldiers will see you safely to the Barracks fence. After that you're on your own. I'll take my leave; just follow the yellow brick road!" Tegral said, beginning to form the bubble around her again. Taking a puff of cigar, she looked back one last time. "And don't take off those boots, whatever you do, or you'll be at the mercy of the Witch. Good Luck!"

"Wait! But what if I-" Seras ran after the bubble, but it was already gone. Stopping, she sighed in exasperation before turning to see the Soldiers and Baskerville staring at her expectantly. Shrugging, she picked up her basket. "Follow the yellow brick road….Follow the yellow brick road…." She placed her feet on the yellow stones and smiled and faced the wire fence in the distance, with Baskerville on her heels and a journey ahead, not knowing that a crimson clad figure already watched her every movement.

* * *

Afterword: Uh oh! What is gonna happen!? I'll tell you what: in the next chapter, Seras runs into a shabby scarecrow with an empty head. And she sings again, this time in half-French!


	5. The Talking Scarecrow

Wow! It's been a while since I even looked at this one. Well, here's part 5, A.K.A. Seras Has a Terrible Accent! .

_**I own nothing! NOTHING I SAY! HAHAHAHAHAH!**_

* * *

Seras walked along for the longest time with Baskerville pacing slowly behind her with his ears perked, on high-alert for any danger that would befall his master. Seras looked up at the sky, marveling how the weather stayed nice and clear, and although she knew she'd been walking for hours the sky had stayed in perpetual twilight. The moon was bright and full, but it was crimson colored. Seras stopped to consider it a moment; something tugging at the back of her thoughts before she shrugged and continued on, unable to remember.

_I wonder what time it is… _she asked herself quietly. Although she wore her watch, the hands were spinning wildly and of no use to her here. She considered the possibility that time ran differently here in this land, because after walking for such a long time, she wasn't at all tired and neither was her dog. She half-skipped down the seemingly-endless yellow path before stopping suddenly. She cursed out loud, looking ahead where the path branched off into a clean fork. She looked down both ways, but was unable to see anything for the high cornfields that stood in her way. She frowned, putting a hand on her chin as she pondered her next move. After thinking a moment, she turned to Baskerville.

"Where do we go now? Which path do we take?" she asked as she watched Baskerville. He opened his mouth and for a minute Seras thought he would speak, but instead he sneezed before flopping over to scratch his back on the cobblestones. Seras grumbled, pouting at him before looking back at the path. "Which way do I go?"

"Pardon me, that way is a very nice way," a disembodied French voice spoke up. Seras jumped, spinning around to look at the path behind her, but the only thing besides corn was an old scarecrow with a piece of straw in his mouth and one button eye missing. She stared at the scarecrow for a minute before looking at the way its arm was pointing. "It's nice down that way, too." Looking back, Seras felt her eyes go wide as the scarecrow now had his arm pointed in an entirely different direction.

"That's funny," she said hesitantly as she leaned toward Baskerville. "Wasn't he just pointing the other way?" She half-wondered if the insanity of this land was catching when before her eyes; the scarecrow lifted both arms and pointed in opposite directions, looking directly at her as he spoke around the straw.

"Of course, people do go both ways." Seras coughed, choking slightly at the absurdity of it all.

"You did talk after all," she said after a moment. Baskerville barked, growling at the scarecrow. The scarecrow nodded, then shook his head, then looked rather confused and began chewing on his straw. "What? Can't you make up your mind?" she said finally, watching the poor, indecisive thing. The scarecrow sighed.

"That's the trouble,_ cher_. I can't make up my mind! I don't have a brain. Only straw." The scarecrow gave a half-shrug and lifted the edge of his hat to show the straw poking out underneath. Seras put a hand on her hip and gazed up suspiciously.

"If you haven't got any brains, how can you talk?" she said, narrowing her eyes as she practiced her best police-interrogation voice. The scarecrow smiled down at her.

"I don't know," he said happily. "But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking." Seras nodded once, making a sound of agreement. Finally, she remembered her mother's manners and hopped over the fence, stopping at the base of the scarecrow's pole.

"Well, that's that; but we haven't been properly introduced, have we? I'm Seras Victoria; how do you do?" Seras said with a curtsy. The scarecrow bowed as much as he could off the pole.

"Call me Pip. How do you do?" he said formally in return. Seras grinned.

"Very well, thank you." The scarecrow looked sad.

"Oh, I'm not well at all, I'm afraid it's not good for your backaches when you're stuck on a pole all day." Seras frowned, glancing at the pole. It didn't look very comfortable.

"That sounds terrible. Can't you get down?" she asked wincing at the thought of being stuck up there all day. The scarecrow fidgeted, trying to reach back behind himself.

"No, you see-I can't exactly-my arms aren't…." he said, getting flustered before sighing in defeat. Seras hummed thoughtfully and walked around behind the pole, reaching up the back. "Maybe if you bend the nail in the back?" Pip said, trying to be helpful. Seras reached up on her tiptoes before she found the nail. Bending it slightly, the scarecrow came tumbling down, doing three somersaults and flipping over the fence before resting at Seras' basket while looking dazed. He shook his head, gasping at all the straw that had fallen out of him and grabbing a handful to stuff back in. Seras screeched, hopping back over the fence and into a pile of dropped straw.

"Oh goodness! Doesn't that hurt?" she said, grabbing the straw to hand to him. Pip laughed, shaking his head.

"Not at all, _cher_. I just pick it up and put it back in, like so," he said, stuffing his chest back full of straw. He jumped up, laughing at the sky. "My! It's good to be free!" he said with a twirl, falling over his feet and landing at on his bottom. Seras squeaked, falling on her knees beside him. "What? Did I scare you?" Pip said hopefully. Seras looked at him before shaking her head.

"No, I just thought you'd hurt yourself." She said finally, picking up her basket before he tripped over it. Pip looked dejected.

"But I didn't scare you?" Seras shook her head, shrugging. "That's the problem with me." Pip muttered, waving his arms at a crow that sat and cawed rudely before snatching an ear of corn. He sighed and put his head on his knees, giving Seras a disconsolate look. "I can't scare anything! I'm supposed to be a scarecrow." Seras patted him heartedly on the shoulder.

"Aw, don't be glum. Why, if a scarecrow in England did what you just did, the crows'd be scared silly!" _And everyone else_ she added mentally. The thought seemed to cheer Pip up, and he gave her a patchwork grin.

"Really? Maybe I should come with you then!" he said optimistically. Seras laughed.

"Well, first I have to go to the Wizard at the Garnet City, if _I _want to get back home again. You see, I'm hoping he'll help me," she said. "And Baskie too," she added. Pip seemed to think for a moment (although without a brain, it wasn't a long moment).

"Do you think the Wizard would give me a brain?" He questioned. Seras contemplated the thought before nodding.

"I think so. What would the harm be? You should argue your case for a brain, Pip. C'mon, let's see it. What would you do with a brain if you had one?" she asked, wondering if the Wizard followed a judicial system when it came to people's wishes. Pip frowned, thinking hard before he opened his mouth and began to harmonize. _Oh no! Not more singing! _Seras grimaced but it was too late. She'd opened the floodgates once more.

* * *

_Why, I'd wile away the hours conferring with the flowers and consulting with sea. _

_ I'd do all that now, but sadly it's just that _c'est seulement de la paille

_I'd unravel every riddle for any indi'vidl, no labyrinth could hold me._

Seras couldn't fight the feeling; she opened her mouth and chimed in.

_**With the thoughts that you'd have, it's cool but right now, Say-Soolmant-de-la-Pale?**_

_(Close enough, Cher.)Oh I could tell you why the ocean's near the shore. __**(Oh? Why?)**_

_I could think of thing's I'd never thought before.__** (That's right.)**_

_And then I'd sit __**(Yeah?)**__ and think some more._

_ I'd not be a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'; my ideas could roam free!_

_ But just not right now, when in fact my head is _c'est seulement de la paille.

* * *

Seras sighed, happy to be rid of the singing bug once more. She smiled and helped her new friend up, and once again was on her way.


	6. The Tin Butler

**Author's Note**: Now that _Caeli et Inferno_ is finished (whew!), I'm focusing more on this story next. I just love Walter's song in this. He's so sweet to imagine singing about wanting to be the best butler he can be.

* * *

Seras began to regret her decision to take the left path after all. After more walking, she and Pip found herself in a dense wood. Maybe it was the sparse light filtering through the thick branches, but Seras began to feel creeped out. It was as if someone was standing just out of eyesight in the trees, watching her every move. Seras began to walk faster, practically jogging in her hurry to get out of the woods.

"What's the matter, Cher?" her straw-filled friend asked, trying to keep up. Seras turned quickly, looking into the trees.

"I don't know Pip; I feel like I'm being stalked. I just don't like this place very much…." Seras said fearfully, her skin prickling. Pip looked into the woods all around them.

"I don't see anyone, Seras," the scarecrow said confidently. Seras frowned, walking back to stand close to him.

"What do you know? You only have one eye," she muttered, but she grabbed his elbow anyway. She pursed her lips, snapping her fingers when the aforementioned button glanced down at her chest briefly. "I'm up here, Pip." Pip coughed politely, turning to point at Baskerville.

"The dog's not worried about it. He'd warn us if we were in trouble, Cher." Seras glanced to her faithful canine, who seemed perfectly content. She nodded slowly.

"You're right. I've had Baskerville as long as I can remember, and we've always looked out for each other." Seras gave one more look into the shadows before turning back to the path. "Let's just hurry up and get out of here. I'll be so happy to see the moon again." The two began their walk down the path once more, with Pip doing hilarious acrobatics in an attempt to cheer Seras up and take her mind off the creepy wood.

Seras was much too busy laughing at her companion to watch for Baskerville. It was true the dog wasn't making a scene, but he did stop on the path to be petted by a red-clad figure that strode from the forest to stand in the spot Seras had vacated. The figure watched with a grin as the blonde threw her head back in a guffaw. The dog gave a small huff, and got his ears scratched once more. The figure turned to walk back into the wood, turning only when he was well concealed in the shadows.

"You have your orders, dog. Keep guiding her; although she's doing well as it is." The dog gave a nod, then turned tail and ran up the path to where his_ second_ master waited.

* * *

Seras' stomach began to grumble, and she made a face as she looked inside her basket. All of her food was gone, shared between herself and Baskerville only, since scarecrows don't eat. Pip turned to look at her, and she shrugged.

"I guess I'm hungry. We have been walking for a long time now. I guess there aren't any restaurants in this forest." Seras stuck her tongue out, but Pip grabbed her arm.

"No, but aren't those apple trees up ahead?" he asked excitedly. Seras squinted and peered through the trees, smiling when she found that Pip was right. She ran, the silver boots clunking on the ground as she pulled straight next to an apple tree. The apple was quite high off the ground, and Seras jumped up and down trying to reach.

Pip watched in amusement as the well-endowed girl tried to reach the apple. Even as a one-eyed scarecrow, he wasn't _blind_ to a pretty girl giving off an innocent show. He stiffened as he heard a soft chuckle that seemed to echo through the whole clearing, and Seras gave a shout of triumph as she reached the apple. Pip was more worried about the branch bending, as if someone much taller simply reached up and pulled the branch closer to the ground. He hadn't seen anyone, and Seras didn't seem to notice, so he dismissed it. After all, he didn't have a brain to work out such problems anyway.

Seras pulled the apple off the branch, licking her lips hungrily when she felt the branch smack her soundly on the backside. She squeaked, turning around to stare at the tree angrily. To her surprise, the tree looked angry too. She could clearly see a spectacle-wearing face with a long, thin nose in the trees bark. She cocked her head, and the tree pursed its lips.

"_Excuse you_, young lady," the tree said irritably. "Did anyone say you could just rip my apples off my branches?" Seras looked at the offending apple before tucking it in her basket.

"I'm terribly sorry, it's just that I'm so hungry, and they look so AAUGH!" Seras squealed as another tree ran a branch up under her dress. She turned to glare at the tree, to see another face with knots that looked mysteriously like piercings.

"Come on over here, babe. You can pull my apples anytime," the tree said with a wink. Seras felt her jaw drop at the lewdness of the wooden man. The first tree sighed audibly.

"Good grief Jan, can't you behave yourself? You know what _he_ said to you," the tree warned. Jan seemed to consider the thought before pulling his branches around to ensnare the girl, who shrieked and grabbed one, breaking it in half before running out of the tree's reach. Cursing, Jan looked at his broken branch.

"You little whore! I'll get you good!" he shouted, beginning to throw his apples at her. Seras screeched and dropped to the ground in the bushes, out of harm's way. She heard a lot of commotion and peeked out to see Baskerville snapping at both trees' branches, and Pip running around to collect the fallen apples for Seras to eat. Getting his drift, Seras happily bent down to retrieve apples that had fallen in the bushes. She pushed herself through some thick vines to grab one that had fallen far away from the path when she brushed up against a piece of metal. She looked at the metal, tapping it slightly before raising herself up on her knees. She tapped the metal leg, the metal torso, the metal arm, and finally stood all the way up, looking in wonder at the metal man that stood before her.

* * *

Seras pointed at the metal man as Pip and Baskerville came running up to her. Pip deposited the apples in Seras' basket. Seras watched Baskerville sniff the man's leg before raising his own.

"No Baskie!" Seras said with a smart slap to the dog's head. "Remember what I said, back with the whole mailman incident? We pee _on trees only_!" The dog whined and moved to a tree before doing his business. Seras turned her attention back to the man. He was made entirely out of tin, by the looks of it. Even his tiny monocle was tin, shining in the dim light. He had one arm raised with a tray of tea balanced carefully on his palm. Seras admired him before she heard a muffled shout coming from somewhere in the woods. Turning, she heard the shout again, and gasped as she realized it was the tin man speaking.

"I'm sorry? Did you say something?" she yelped, and the man spoke again. Seras shook her head; she didn't understand. The man repeated his words, and Pip spoke up.

"He said "oil can", I do believe." Seras frowned, and saw an oil can lying on a stump not too far off. She picked up the can and shook it, relieved to hear the slosh of oil still inside. She ran back to the man, and quickly put a few drops on the hinges of his mouth. The tin man gasped in relief, moving his jaw.

"Thank you, Miss. Please, if you'd be so kind as to do my arms and legs too?" the man said politely. Seras nodded and with Pip's help, they had the tin man moving around good as new with all of his joints properly oiled. The man stretched and smiled. "Thank you so very much. I've been stuck in this glen for months!" Seras nodded and curtsied semi-mockingly at the way the tin man was making her sound so….heroic, but was quite flabbergasted when he bowed low in return.

"I'm quite afraid I haven't introduced myself. My name is Walter; I was built to be the perfect butler to the woman that lived in this house," he said, gesturing behind him. Seras nodded and introduced herself and her traveling companions.

"That's nice and all, but how did you get stuck out here? Didn't your owner come looking for you?" she asked, looking behind him at the house. However, it seemed as if no one had lived there for quite a while. The man looked sad.

"I'm afraid my master had died many years before, and as I stayed here, I was virtually alone. One day, I was coming outside to enjoy a quiet tea-oil, of course-when there came a sudden downpour and-well; being tin I rusted almost immediately." Pip made a sound of empathy, understanding what it was like being stuck in one spot for a long time and not able to move. Seras cooed to the poor man.

"Aw you poor thing. Why didn't you leave here and find a new master to serve? I'm sure many people would love a tin butler," she questioned. Walter smiled sadly.

"I never had the heart for it, Miss Seras. You see, when the tinsmith made me, he forgot to put in a heart. Go on, knock on me." He pointed to his chest, and Seras softly knocked. The echo rattled in the man's torso. "You see? It's empty." Seras nodded, surprised at the man. Pip chewed thoughtfully on his straw. Seras thought for a moment.

"You certainly seem fine enough. What in the world do you think you need a heart for?" The butler smiled, and Seras grimaced. "Oh no, please Walter-"

* * *

_When a butler's energetic, he shouldn't be pathetic  
and yet I'm torn apart.  
just because I'm expecting that my job would be perfecting  
If I only had a heart.  
I'd be kind and sympathetic, not cold and quite mechanic-  
and always' play my part.  
And the human's I'd be serving, well-I'd feel more worthy of them  
If I only had a heart. _

_Picture me-it's time for tea! My master's on the phone  
"Just a cup of Gray and a scone."  
I hear a beat, how sweet._

_Just to register emotion-duty and devotion  
and really do my part.  
I'd stay youthful and vibrant, and no one could deny it:  
That butler's got a heart. _

* * *

Although she usually hated the singing, Seras found herself humming along to Walter's soft voice. He was really one good butler. Pip whispered something in her ear, and she turned to nod happily.

"I don't see why not," she said, and turned to the butler. "Listen Walter; we're going to see the Wizard in the Garnet City. I've got to get home, and Pip needs to get a brain. I'm sure the Wizard can spare a heart for you. Whadda ya say?" she said, giving him a cheerful fist pump. Walter frowned, thinking it over.

"Well, I don't know. I'd hate to inconvenience a powerful wizard…but what do I have to lose?" he said finally, nodding and coming to stand by Seras, making sure his oil can was in her basket. Seras beamed at the man before holding out both arms. Linking up, the three set off down the path, once again headed toward their final destination.


End file.
